Imposter syndrome

When your self-esteem is too high, there's always Nurse Ratched to put you gently in your place.

I’m in the throes of procrastination and have been for about a week. Ironically, a recent New Yorker has an article on the topic, which helped me identify what I’m going through and why, but also ironically, I haven’t actually read the article yet because I’ve been putting it off.

So why am I procrastinating? Not just on writing GWIII, even though I am so close I can see the end from here. I’m also procrastinating on the business aspects of writing, like finding a new agent and potentially a new publisher for this book.

It’s because I feel like an imposter. So, every time I sit down to compose an agent query letter, the inner monologue starts:

” This agent won’t want to represent you. Your numbers suck, you are still writing in a universe in which your first two books performed dismally, and no one is going to look at you or your books.

Somehow, you got published, by a fluke. And now everyone knows it.

You. Are. An. Imposter.

I’ve talked to other authors, and they also get imposter syndrome, so my head knows this is an irrational fear. But my inner Nurse Ratched is devious and she knows exactly how to make all this sound plausible.

I’d love to be able to say that I’m getting over it, but there’s no getting over imposter syndrome. I’ll probably always have it. In the meantime I’ve cleaned up the workspace again and it’s time to sit down and rack up the word count.

Imposter syndrome will just have to wait.